People person?

When you are given authority or trusted with people

Are you a confidante, a pastor, a counselor, a coach, a friend, a parent?  Maybe this will be of use.

I’m not going to write an essay by any means, I will simply state a few short and significant matters to consider since you have been trusted with people and their problems.  Why would I bother writing about this?  1)  I’m still learning 2) Maybe you have more to share 3) I have small experience as a Residence Hall Chaplain and as a living breathing human with relationships in which I ask advice and give advice, listen and am listened to, and 4) , I am always trying to learn from people, from books, and other sources about this topic of doing life with people. 

1:  Know ‘The Why’

            Why is it that you are listening to people, their emotions, their problems?

Specifically, ask yourself if YOU are trying to save or fix them, or if your goal is to point them to the God who IS A REDEEMER AND HEALER.

2:  Know ‘The How’

            This has multiple parts, but basically I’m asking HOW  you point people to God and TRUST those people into God’s hands instead of all in your hands.  Suggestions.

A)   Prayer.  Praying for these people and their problems is a means for you, the confidante, to take the problem out of YOUR hands and to put them into GOD’s hands.  It is an invitation for God to be God in the person’s situation.  It is inviting God to be the Redeemer that He is, whether the problem gets cleaned up all nicely or it is a messy matter.  IN both ends, nothing is wasted and God is love, is just, is merciful, is redeeming.  Sometimes a person grows more when things aren’t well than when a problem gets taken care of as easily as wiping up spilt milk.  Prayer builds trust in God and is choosing to trust God (over yourself).

B)   How You Speak.  Are you trying to solve the questions, or are you trying to help the person you are talking to to solve it?  When you try to fix everything yourself, you are building potential for the individual to feel dependent on others or even specifically on you.  God did not make people that way.  Yes we need relationships but we are to be dependent on God alone.  Otherwise it is an idol and short-selling what God created in every individual- a mind and will that is equipped to overcome with Christ.  Don’t create people dependent on people, develop people confident in God and thereby confident in themselves.

(recommended read:  Care of Souls)

C)   Be a Resourcer.  God is the God of all wisdom.  HE knows everything about…. EVERTYHING!  One person can’t know all that God does, but people can specialize in certain areas of knowledge.  Point people to books, to Scripture, to organizations that deal specifically with a problem (and at that, Biblically so.  Don’t send someone anywhere where the root isn’t addressed eventually.  Dealing with symptoms is not enough in the long run) .  Again, in this way, they aren’t depending on you (and you aren’t qualified enough in many areas anyway!).

D)   Praise God throughout the process.  Thank God and help the other person to do the same, or if they can’t, model it.  Thank God for the organization that deals SPECIFICALLY with their problem that has been helpful.   Praise God for His character and that He knows all about this person’s life, now and their past.  Praise God for being the One Healer and One true God, that this God wants to do life with us.   

E)   Don’t merely look at their main problem.  Look at the health of their soul and whole being.  Disciple them.  Point them to the LORD and equip them to walk with the LORD. 
(Learn about discipleship so you can do this!)

F)    Have a healthy, vibrant, ALIVE relationship with God yourself.  Talk to a trusted Pastor if you aren’t sure what that looks like, or how you can have a better relationship with Christ.  Life is about living with God now, not “someday” though I’m certainly looking forward to Heaven too.  You’ll never have this perfect because we won’t see God face to face until we step into eternity with Him.  But we always can be growing! That’s exciting!!!

Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

3:  Know WHAT to do to take care of yourself

            I broke the cool  subtitle pattern! Oh no!

But that is okay, the information is still here, just less cleverly.  If you want to be investing in others, you MUST invest in yourself. 

Rest, eating right, exercise, time with God, quiet time, social time, growth, venting, thinking---  do these things! 
And teach the people you do life with how to take care of themselves too if they are lacking in any area.  Every bit helps when it comes to being well.  Remember to praise God too!  He designed the body and even had OT laws to protect the body (like HE said ‘no’ to eating pork and crustaceans—smart because those two animals soak up toxins and crap… who wants to put toxins and crap into their body? Our God is a smart and sovereign God!)

Hope this is helpful to you, and I’d love to hear what other advice you have about how to be healthy as a confidante to other people.  Let’s point others to the LORD who reigns!   

Live well in Him! 

Ginny Herron