Today's a day where I distinctly feel the weight of failure, shame, regret. On my back and shoulders lays the results of not doing what you needed to.
So here I sit, waiting to get the white, crisp, matter of fact Withdrawal form signed.
I do feel shame. I turned my face when one of my past professors who's class I didn't do so well in walked by; why this ugly trail of failure, my not measuring up?
....
...
...
In my disgusted feelings, I feel a hand tugging on my heart and a small voice calling me.
It would be worse a thing than failing a class to dishonor Christ by wallowing in an identity He stripped away from me the moment He died on the cross, for me. He died that I not be shameful, not be bound by not measuring up, not be valued little. He raised me up though I am just Ginny. He says I am a treasure and that is what I am- it isn't for me to decide whether I am or am not, it is up to me to honor Him by agreeing with Him. Or dishonor Him, reject His love, by hiding my face and saying, "No I'm not!"
I don't feel very good. But I'm not going to attach this failure to my identity which isn't my own anymore, really. I will learn from this experience... and I'm suffering for it, as is what happens when you don't do what you were supposed to. However, I will walk on. Christ asks me-- imperfect yet dressed in robes of righteousness me-- to walk with HIM daily. To walk in His light and truth daily.
In any case. Here I stand, just Ginny, esteemed and beloved of the King. And I take another step. It doesn't feel right in some sense for me to open up my arms to receive the love He is offering me in this very moment-- but it would be more disrespectful to Him not to do so. So I sit waiting for the woman to return from lunch to sign my form, and my heart burns from a grace and from a love that He kindly, gently, abundantly wrapped me in. I'm determined not to cry; people can't tell tears of gratitude from tears of sorrow a lot of times.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Why I Find Dancing Beautiful
Why I Find Dancing Beautiful
I suppose I've come to appreciate dance because it is all about ...freedom. An individual expresses himself or herself in a way they don't get to normally-- they are being more fully human in that moment.
I'm thankful for dance.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Notes on goal reaching.
1. Do what you can when you can.
If you have a BIG paper to do but need more info-- like, you can write some of it but will have to research more later to write further- and you at the same time have a form you need to get signed and turned in, and there is a good chance your professor is available if you just email him or her--
Do the sure thing: Email the prof and get the form signed. This is more effective timewise, and also, releases a burden from your shoulders/brain. One thing done. One less weight or stressor.
Do what you can when you can. This as a general rule should prove to help in general efficiency.
***Note: consider breaking down the above task to make it more do-able. Such as, research the effect of the market for honey on bees; research the similarities between beekeepers ("beekeeper culture"); research what is being done today to help the bees; write the introduction. You can pick one of these tasks and accomplish it versus the HUGE, undefined task of "Get work done on paper" or "Research bees." See the difference?
If you have a BIG paper to do but need more info-- like, you can write some of it but will have to research more later to write further- and you at the same time have a form you need to get signed and turned in, and there is a good chance your professor is available if you just email him or her--
Do the sure thing: Email the prof and get the form signed. This is more effective timewise, and also, releases a burden from your shoulders/brain. One thing done. One less weight or stressor.
Do what you can when you can. This as a general rule should prove to help in general efficiency.
***Note: consider breaking down the above task to make it more do-able. Such as, research the effect of the market for honey on bees; research the similarities between beekeepers ("beekeeper culture"); research what is being done today to help the bees; write the introduction. You can pick one of these tasks and accomplish it versus the HUGE, undefined task of "Get work done on paper" or "Research bees." See the difference?
Sunday, March 17, 2013
enough
**Note: This note is not about my boyfriend. It is about discovering what it is to be in genuine friendship with a person. It is about being yourself and not doing things to try and earn love. Just read it i guess. But wanted to let you know that, because the entry starts with questions relative to boyfriend. Thanks!
---
Dear God,
Should it be true for me to think that I don't have to be fighting to keep my boyfriend?
Is that okay to think?
I don't have to fight to impress him by being alluring or trying to gratify him. ?
Gosh.... I know we live in a fallen world so people have these needs that they want satisfied, maybe even almost "need" or it feels like it. But that seems like an excuse almost. Am I way off target? Am I right? Am I wrong.
Maybe we can be motivated to do certain things to keep that person in "like" with us. But how long does that do good before you have to do more? More little gifts in the mailbox, more (and more diversified) baked goods, more physical contact.
How about no. How about, if the above happens, it is because the two people are "in like" with each other more! (Cookies are NOT bad! Oh, perish the thought! Gifts in mailboxes aren't either. My heart gets so warm at that sort of thing. And uh, hugs are nice. ...)
Then....... how do people get more "in like" ?
Oh, how this could be too simple. But is it true? :
As Jane is more and more Jane around Bill; and as Bill is more and more Bill around Jane; Jane and Bill like each other more. They have opportunity to care about each other more, because there is more content to care about.
Good thing is you keep getting to know someone the longer you know them. It is impossible, my guess, to know someone fully. You never can cease to find something out about someone you didn't notice or know before. You get to know them ever better. And, is this too idealistic? You get to like them better. You love them more. (might be getting and giving more chocolate chip cookies :) )
There's this lie of rejection that says, I'm not good enough. See, the evidence is this person left, and that one; that one, too. I will just always get rejected unless I try to be different or do somethign different. Or maybe a person just gives up and says, "no more people" because then they won't get rejected. There is no one to reject them.
..Notice, i introduced it as a LIE.
It's the other person's problem, not you, for rejecting you unless you sinned agains them. IF you were willing to be friends and they weren't, let it go. Not a thing you can do really besides fail to be yourself and keep them around-- which is dishonest and WILL make you miserable. It make take a while, but eventually you will miserably be not yourself. Don't do that.
You are and will be loved for who you are.
I believe I am loved and will be loved for being me. I won't fight to keep someone interested in me. I will pursue them in trying to get to know them better- sure! That is solid and right. That's building friendship right there. It also is dating. It's being a student of another.
I will build friends (and maybe woo someone) by learning as much as I can about them and rejoicing with them in how they are made.
If they learn about me and need to have me do things for them to stick around, like help them clean or listen to them whenever they call, or be more physical than is really appropriate or equal to my love? -- Then that person doesn't really know me or appreciate me.
And I need to let them go, or at least not be fake to keep them close. Maybe they will still be in my life but more distant. Well peachy, that works I guess!
God, is it true that I shouldn't have to fight to keep people close to me? That... I should be faithful to be me, and intentional in getting to know them and celebrating the people You designed?
Love ya God. I thank You that You like to teach us and grant wisdom. I wait on what You have to teach me about love. Thanks. Amen.
-------
This note isn't really related to my boyfriend. He is someone I love and a friend, so he is indirectly related. As I learn about what love really is, it affects my interactions and relationship with him. But my boyfriend, if you read this and know him, is a best friend and fellow adventurer on the road of life with Christ with me. He respects me and my body. He is an encourager, fun, and really a best friend. Just wanted to clarify that I did not write this note about having to compromise myself to be his lady friend--because, that doesn't happen. And I'm glad.
---
Dear God,
Should it be true for me to think that I don't have to be fighting to keep my boyfriend?
Is that okay to think?
I don't have to fight to impress him by being alluring or trying to gratify him. ?
Gosh.... I know we live in a fallen world so people have these needs that they want satisfied, maybe even almost "need" or it feels like it. But that seems like an excuse almost. Am I way off target? Am I right? Am I wrong.
Maybe we can be motivated to do certain things to keep that person in "like" with us. But how long does that do good before you have to do more? More little gifts in the mailbox, more (and more diversified) baked goods, more physical contact.
How about no. How about, if the above happens, it is because the two people are "in like" with each other more! (Cookies are NOT bad! Oh, perish the thought! Gifts in mailboxes aren't either. My heart gets so warm at that sort of thing. And uh, hugs are nice. ...)
Then....... how do people get more "in like" ?
Oh, how this could be too simple. But is it true? :
As Jane is more and more Jane around Bill; and as Bill is more and more Bill around Jane; Jane and Bill like each other more. They have opportunity to care about each other more, because there is more content to care about.
Good thing is you keep getting to know someone the longer you know them. It is impossible, my guess, to know someone fully. You never can cease to find something out about someone you didn't notice or know before. You get to know them ever better. And, is this too idealistic? You get to like them better. You love them more. (might be getting and giving more chocolate chip cookies :) )
There's this lie of rejection that says, I'm not good enough. See, the evidence is this person left, and that one; that one, too. I will just always get rejected unless I try to be different or do somethign different. Or maybe a person just gives up and says, "no more people" because then they won't get rejected. There is no one to reject them.
..Notice, i introduced it as a LIE.
It's the other person's problem, not you, for rejecting you unless you sinned agains them. IF you were willing to be friends and they weren't, let it go. Not a thing you can do really besides fail to be yourself and keep them around-- which is dishonest and WILL make you miserable. It make take a while, but eventually you will miserably be not yourself. Don't do that.
You are and will be loved for who you are.
I believe I am loved and will be loved for being me. I won't fight to keep someone interested in me. I will pursue them in trying to get to know them better- sure! That is solid and right. That's building friendship right there. It also is dating. It's being a student of another.
I will build friends (and maybe woo someone) by learning as much as I can about them and rejoicing with them in how they are made.
If they learn about me and need to have me do things for them to stick around, like help them clean or listen to them whenever they call, or be more physical than is really appropriate or equal to my love? -- Then that person doesn't really know me or appreciate me.
And I need to let them go, or at least not be fake to keep them close. Maybe they will still be in my life but more distant. Well peachy, that works I guess!
God, is it true that I shouldn't have to fight to keep people close to me? That... I should be faithful to be me, and intentional in getting to know them and celebrating the people You designed?
Love ya God. I thank You that You like to teach us and grant wisdom. I wait on what You have to teach me about love. Thanks. Amen.
-------
This note isn't really related to my boyfriend. He is someone I love and a friend, so he is indirectly related. As I learn about what love really is, it affects my interactions and relationship with him. But my boyfriend, if you read this and know him, is a best friend and fellow adventurer on the road of life with Christ with me. He respects me and my body. He is an encourager, fun, and really a best friend. Just wanted to clarify that I did not write this note about having to compromise myself to be his lady friend--because, that doesn't happen. And I'm glad.
Uncomfortable
Thanks for discomfort.
God, sometimes it doesn't feel good to see one of your good friends hugging a guy you really like. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable to accept a criticism graciously from someone else. Sometimes things just gnaw on you.
God, discomfort in my life often seems to be an opportunity to do something right. I can respond in an unChrist-like manner and maybe feel a little better, a bit better understood, stronger, justified; or i can respond in a Christ-like manner and walk like You did, LORD.... Loving at all times. Love is really a strong thing, not ooshy-gooshy. Love sometimes is tender and other times is tough. God, you responded to so many discomforts in love. Whether that love spoke wisdom, or healed the blind; rebuked a disciple, or held a child. Much more.
It can be hard to do that. But even if the results aren't rainbows and sunshine (even if things don't get better even though you did the right thing), you know you did something right. You know you represented Christ here on Earth. Maybe someone saw Jesus through you. Maybe you saw Jesus in that moment. Maybe you and God just had a moment together. I don't know. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts is you are being fully human; you are exercising your will in a situation, making a choice contrary to your body's advice to "seek comfort!" rather than deal with discomfort. You are living above fear.
Walking the walk God says we can, in Him-- that is really living. Walking like Jesus did is life to the fullest. It doesn't meet the world's standards of popularity, ascetics, comfort, and gratification. But it is altogether the most gratifying sort of life possible, God's blueprint for you meeting real life.
I'm rambling now, so I'll just conclude by repeating myself.
Thanks for discomfort. (Amen.)
God, sometimes it doesn't feel good to see one of your good friends hugging a guy you really like. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable to accept a criticism graciously from someone else. Sometimes things just gnaw on you.
God, discomfort in my life often seems to be an opportunity to do something right. I can respond in an unChrist-like manner and maybe feel a little better, a bit better understood, stronger, justified; or i can respond in a Christ-like manner and walk like You did, LORD.... Loving at all times. Love is really a strong thing, not ooshy-gooshy. Love sometimes is tender and other times is tough. God, you responded to so many discomforts in love. Whether that love spoke wisdom, or healed the blind; rebuked a disciple, or held a child. Much more.
It can be hard to do that. But even if the results aren't rainbows and sunshine (even if things don't get better even though you did the right thing), you know you did something right. You know you represented Christ here on Earth. Maybe someone saw Jesus through you. Maybe you saw Jesus in that moment. Maybe you and God just had a moment together. I don't know. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts is you are being fully human; you are exercising your will in a situation, making a choice contrary to your body's advice to "seek comfort!" rather than deal with discomfort. You are living above fear.
Walking the walk God says we can, in Him-- that is really living. Walking like Jesus did is life to the fullest. It doesn't meet the world's standards of popularity, ascetics, comfort, and gratification. But it is altogether the most gratifying sort of life possible, God's blueprint for you meeting real life.
I'm rambling now, so I'll just conclude by repeating myself.
Thanks for discomfort. (Amen.)
Saturday, March 16, 2013
dreams
Dear LORD,
I give you my passions,
my hopes,
my dreams-
the matters you've placed on my heart that I long to see born,
the possibilities I believe are possible with you,
and the knowledge of your being far more than enough to make these dreams or goals better and more effective than I myself can ever imagine happening, possible.
I give you the dreams, knowing they might not come to fruition in my life; or that they may.
God, help me be patient.
God, help me be obedient
And to step, or stop, confidently wherever you want me.
Thankful for many people at school who taught me to surrender these to God. Your influence on me has been immense and I praise God for it!
I give you my passions,
my hopes,
my dreams-
the matters you've placed on my heart that I long to see born,
the possibilities I believe are possible with you,
and the knowledge of your being far more than enough to make these dreams or goals better and more effective than I myself can ever imagine happening, possible.
I give you the dreams, knowing they might not come to fruition in my life; or that they may.
God, help me be patient.
God, help me be obedient
And to step, or stop, confidently wherever you want me.
Thankful for many people at school who taught me to surrender these to God. Your influence on me has been immense and I praise God for it!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Change we long for
We must not focus on the things that are wrong--
"oh, if people only loved better."
"If only people would just do what God said."
Don't let such bitterness and discontent take root and grow in your heart. Don't let the problems become your concluding paragraph, so to speak; don't let them be your focus.
Instead: Focus on the good or the ideal. In your life, live out the good. Live out love and obedience (to continue with the above quotes), for example. Do it with God's help and grace which He has in abundance.
Don't be a cynical critic of others or problems; "be the change you wish to see in the world," as Gandhi stated. This will both do more good and be more healthy (joyous) for you.
"oh, if people only loved better."
"If only people would just do what God said."
Don't let such bitterness and discontent take root and grow in your heart. Don't let the problems become your concluding paragraph, so to speak; don't let them be your focus.
Instead: Focus on the good or the ideal. In your life, live out the good. Live out love and obedience (to continue with the above quotes), for example. Do it with God's help and grace which He has in abundance.
Don't be a cynical critic of others or problems; "be the change you wish to see in the world," as Gandhi stated. This will both do more good and be more healthy (joyous) for you.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Ointment
God, my God-
Your promises soothe my soul.
I feel the grating, ragged claws of worry
Until your promise, like soft wind
Or warm water, falls over my heart and mind.
I breath out worry and fear,
And am filled with hope, trust, and confidence.
Gentle feelings seize me.
You are good and so generous, God.
Your promises soothe my soul.
I feel the grating, ragged claws of worry
Until your promise, like soft wind
Or warm water, falls over my heart and mind.
I breath out worry and fear,
And am filled with hope, trust, and confidence.
Gentle feelings seize me.
You are good and so generous, God.
Monday, March 11, 2013
march 12 II
To be in another's embrace
And not worry what he or she might be thinking-
Trust, security. -
That is part of love, I think.
And not worry what he or she might be thinking-
Trust, security. -
That is part of love, I think.
march 12
She breathed in, and out.
The clock ticked severely behind her; a furnace rumbled unapologetically.
It was funny those moments when the sense of "being alive" hits a person. Claire was just sitting to do homework and planning when, delightfully (and somewhat inconveniently... she had things to do!) the sensation of, "Alive!" hit her like a large, playful wave on the beach that tackles.
Her hands tingled, blood pulsing through little veins. She looked at her palms, knowing older cells were rising to the surface, approaching death, while the alive ones dwelled beneath. She ran her fingernail across her palm and it REALLY tickled.
Claire examined her fingernails. She bothered to cut them and all, but she didn't normally take the time to look at them. Running her fingers on the outside, she felt ridges. She saw deep pink fading to pale. It was a very pretty color scheme, really, and she thought of pink peonies in summer.
She sat like a statue, feeling her shoulders; she didn't know whether they were tense or just doing what they ought to be. Or maybe it was gravity laying its hands down on her. She felt her heart move like what reminded her of a butterfly, lightly beating, and pictured a mason jar full of butterflies fluttering beneath her ribs.
She peered out the window at trees swaying in wind outside. Grass shook in the breeze as well. She could barely smell the outside, her face nearly pressed against the window and outside air escaping into the college dorm.
She sat with God for a while. No words; just sitting with Him. Kind of like when you can sit quietly and comfortably with someone on a porch swing, or walk side by side quietly on a wooded trail. You delighted in the company, so very evident, but without any words needing to be spoken. Yeah- kind of like that.
And then she leaped up, feet with springs in them-- went to the work table she had picked-- and began to do her work with a clear mind. About an hour later she went on to bed and slept fitfully.
The clock ticked severely behind her; a furnace rumbled unapologetically.
It was funny those moments when the sense of "being alive" hits a person. Claire was just sitting to do homework and planning when, delightfully (and somewhat inconveniently... she had things to do!) the sensation of, "Alive!" hit her like a large, playful wave on the beach that tackles.
Her hands tingled, blood pulsing through little veins. She looked at her palms, knowing older cells were rising to the surface, approaching death, while the alive ones dwelled beneath. She ran her fingernail across her palm and it REALLY tickled.
Claire examined her fingernails. She bothered to cut them and all, but she didn't normally take the time to look at them. Running her fingers on the outside, she felt ridges. She saw deep pink fading to pale. It was a very pretty color scheme, really, and she thought of pink peonies in summer.
She sat like a statue, feeling her shoulders; she didn't know whether they were tense or just doing what they ought to be. Or maybe it was gravity laying its hands down on her. She felt her heart move like what reminded her of a butterfly, lightly beating, and pictured a mason jar full of butterflies fluttering beneath her ribs.
She peered out the window at trees swaying in wind outside. Grass shook in the breeze as well. She could barely smell the outside, her face nearly pressed against the window and outside air escaping into the college dorm.
She sat with God for a while. No words; just sitting with Him. Kind of like when you can sit quietly and comfortably with someone on a porch swing, or walk side by side quietly on a wooded trail. You delighted in the company, so very evident, but without any words needing to be spoken. Yeah- kind of like that.
And then she leaped up, feet with springs in them-- went to the work table she had picked-- and began to do her work with a clear mind. About an hour later she went on to bed and slept fitfully.
Fear-B-Gone
Would you believe it takes courage to do homework? Well, for me it does.
I've developed a funny little fear of homework. What if I don't do well? What if I don't finish? What if it takes forever? What if.....?
Like any fear- it cannot be handled by simply stopping with these thoughts. There's more to it for the fear to get done with. How does one handle fear? Here's a simple two-step process. There's more to it I'm sure, but these two basics are effective, with plenty of room for you to dig in further if you wish to.
1. With TRUTH
e.g.: I am an intelligent being capable of doing a fine job on homework. I am at college for a reason. God has me here for a reason. I can do well-- whether the teacher grades "well" as a C or an A. I can finish this work.
Look to the Bible for truth. Ask God to show you truth. Like even for homework; I started a project by inviting God to be part of the homework process and praying that this project would be pleasing to Him and actually useful to someone. So far this homework has been going well. Really well actually-- if someone was watching me do this homework, they would see me smiling and nodding emphatically at my computer and writing with an eager flourish.
When feeling of being overwhelmed creep up, I take a breath and reflect on God's character and how He delights to empower us.... as a daughter of God, i have more than enough "strength" to get this project done.
You could easily use this concept of using TRUTH with any number of fears. Appearance, meeting new people, a difficult conversation, doing something you are afraid to do, overcoming something difficult, etc.
2. with ACTION
Truth isn't much use if it isn't put into action. Notice above that part of the solution was making the choice to invite God into the process (talking to God). Another is making the choice to learn about or recollect God's character to, kindly, give us strength..... etc. (Joshua 1:9 says, "be strong and courageous-- don't be afraid or discouraged because the LORD is with you wherever you go.")
TO continue with my homework example: Would my homework get done if I merely knew I was strong enough and capable to do it? That God would be with me? NO! I actually have to get to doing it! How can God be with me in it if I don't begin. How can anything get done if I'm not setting myself up for success by putting forth some effort.
Figuratively "squash the bug of fear or worry" with your "shoe of truth". Yup, that sounds hokie! But do this repeatedly if you need to. When a worry comes up-- allow yourself perhaps to really examine and think through it, once..... Chew on all that worries you about this matter..... But then, once you do that and you "squash it" with your new shoe.... Don't bother examining it any more if it returns that day. Instead, almost as if it were instinct, jump to squash that worry with truth or to simply dismiss it with a breath, a tic on your paper, or just picturing a shoe squashing an ugly bug. Do it again and again if that little worry re-appears. Overcome that worry with being on the offense.
To CONCLUDE: Overcoming fears can be a process and difficult, but we are "more than conquerors" in Christ. Don't let fear hold you back from living the life you are equipped to live in Christ Jesus. He has given us the means to live life to the fullest with Him daily. Take up the offer and make each step in that gift.
Romans 8:31-39
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? if God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died-- more than that, who was raised to life-- is at the right hand of the and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels no demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I've developed a funny little fear of homework. What if I don't do well? What if I don't finish? What if it takes forever? What if.....?
Like any fear- it cannot be handled by simply stopping with these thoughts. There's more to it for the fear to get done with. How does one handle fear? Here's a simple two-step process. There's more to it I'm sure, but these two basics are effective, with plenty of room for you to dig in further if you wish to.
1. With TRUTH
e.g.: I am an intelligent being capable of doing a fine job on homework. I am at college for a reason. God has me here for a reason. I can do well-- whether the teacher grades "well" as a C or an A. I can finish this work.
Look to the Bible for truth. Ask God to show you truth. Like even for homework; I started a project by inviting God to be part of the homework process and praying that this project would be pleasing to Him and actually useful to someone. So far this homework has been going well. Really well actually-- if someone was watching me do this homework, they would see me smiling and nodding emphatically at my computer and writing with an eager flourish.
When feeling of being overwhelmed creep up, I take a breath and reflect on God's character and how He delights to empower us.... as a daughter of God, i have more than enough "strength" to get this project done.
You could easily use this concept of using TRUTH with any number of fears. Appearance, meeting new people, a difficult conversation, doing something you are afraid to do, overcoming something difficult, etc.
2. with ACTION
Truth isn't much use if it isn't put into action. Notice above that part of the solution was making the choice to invite God into the process (talking to God). Another is making the choice to learn about or recollect God's character to, kindly, give us strength..... etc. (Joshua 1:9 says, "be strong and courageous-- don't be afraid or discouraged because the LORD is with you wherever you go.")
TO continue with my homework example: Would my homework get done if I merely knew I was strong enough and capable to do it? That God would be with me? NO! I actually have to get to doing it! How can God be with me in it if I don't begin. How can anything get done if I'm not setting myself up for success by putting forth some effort.
Figuratively "squash the bug of fear or worry" with your "shoe of truth". Yup, that sounds hokie! But do this repeatedly if you need to. When a worry comes up-- allow yourself perhaps to really examine and think through it, once..... Chew on all that worries you about this matter..... But then, once you do that and you "squash it" with your new shoe.... Don't bother examining it any more if it returns that day. Instead, almost as if it were instinct, jump to squash that worry with truth or to simply dismiss it with a breath, a tic on your paper, or just picturing a shoe squashing an ugly bug. Do it again and again if that little worry re-appears. Overcome that worry with being on the offense.
To CONCLUDE: Overcoming fears can be a process and difficult, but we are "more than conquerors" in Christ. Don't let fear hold you back from living the life you are equipped to live in Christ Jesus. He has given us the means to live life to the fullest with Him daily. Take up the offer and make each step in that gift.
Romans 8:31-39
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? if God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died-- more than that, who was raised to life-- is at the right hand of the and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels no demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
March 11
Laughter rained upon them
Like spring showers.
Bringing growth and life
into the room and upon all
Who allowed air to whistle
Out of their throats
And smile to break open.
Those in the company of them
were splashed, too;
All the more if they
allowed themselves to appreciate
the joy of the others as they laughed.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
diffuse
Thunder crackled. Clouds dark, massive tumbled across the sky.
Annette slammed the door to her car and ran towards her front door. She used her mail binder to try and cover her hair, but that only made the rain dribble fast down her arms and face. In her sprint she felt her boot heel break and her ankle bruise slightly. She let out a loud groan and dropped her arms, resigned; marched to her porch stoop. To her left a neighbor stared at her from her rocking chair- Missus Tipton. Annette figured she might as well greet her. "Hello," nodded - went into her small porch and into her city dwelling.
The cat must have known she wasn't in a great mood. Henry was perched on the couch, evergreen eyes watching her. Normally he was mewing at the door and weaved around her feet.
Shoes off and wet coat strewn on the floor, Annette went and laid down on the white-blue checked kitchen floor. Why not.
She stared at the white plastic ceiling fan going round, feeling her heart beat and her chest cavity rise and fall in respiration. She felt the water drip down her forehead down to her ear; it tickled; then went on the fall to the checked floor. Cold air moved around her wet feet. Annette just lay there existing for a while, staring also at the light green color of the ceiling.
After some minutes Henry mewed and sat next to her right arm, tail wagging furiously. Power button on, Annette rose and got out his cat food. He always ate off of a little blue plate for wet food. The moment she put it on the floor in the designated corner, he rushed over. Really it was comical how quickly he could appear. She appreciated it then, and sat at a kitchen chair to continue being a statue.
After he ate and she watched the digital clock on the oven strike 9:02, some thirty minutes since she had gotten home, she let out a deep sigh and felt at ease again. The day had been a trying one, and she had needed time to let the stress diffuse. She went and found her fuzzy pink slippers and got our her journal. She got out the colored pens. What Annette ended up doing before bed was listening to a goofy infomercial about a suddenly necessary-to-all closet-organizing system and writing out names of people dear to her in pretty lettering. At some point later on, maybe, she would write a note on the back of the pages and send them out.
She didn't know yet, and didn't care any more, because bed sounded wonderful. Henry was already in his little bed when she got to the room. Annette greeted Gus the goldfish, then buried herself beneath quilt.
She lay there for a moment; then rustled, sitting up. She turned on the small bedside light and bent down to grab the journal and pens. She had brought them to the room with her-- they belonged on the shelf near the closet, but she had dropped them there before attempting to sleep.
Annette doodled to God for a while. She spoke out loud about the day and wrote down key words. She said a prayer about the most challenging parts and apologized for where she had responded poorly to co-workers. She then listened to God for a while.
After the conversation, she felt better about tomorrow. She was reminded of how she could serve God at work-- by keeping God in each moment and conversation. Not that she had to always talk ABOUT God, but she could remember He was with her. He was with everyone for that matter; but she was beginning to think too much now. If she just went through the day with God, it would make a big difference in her interactions with co-workers and, really, with her outlook on the day.....
Finally feeling peace, even though work was still a challenging place and she knew bills were coming up, she fell into a content sleep. God was HER God. She was HIS daughter. That truth overtook any worries that floated around her sleepy brain.
Annette slammed the door to her car and ran towards her front door. She used her mail binder to try and cover her hair, but that only made the rain dribble fast down her arms and face. In her sprint she felt her boot heel break and her ankle bruise slightly. She let out a loud groan and dropped her arms, resigned; marched to her porch stoop. To her left a neighbor stared at her from her rocking chair- Missus Tipton. Annette figured she might as well greet her. "Hello," nodded - went into her small porch and into her city dwelling.
The cat must have known she wasn't in a great mood. Henry was perched on the couch, evergreen eyes watching her. Normally he was mewing at the door and weaved around her feet.
Shoes off and wet coat strewn on the floor, Annette went and laid down on the white-blue checked kitchen floor. Why not.
She stared at the white plastic ceiling fan going round, feeling her heart beat and her chest cavity rise and fall in respiration. She felt the water drip down her forehead down to her ear; it tickled; then went on the fall to the checked floor. Cold air moved around her wet feet. Annette just lay there existing for a while, staring also at the light green color of the ceiling.
After some minutes Henry mewed and sat next to her right arm, tail wagging furiously. Power button on, Annette rose and got out his cat food. He always ate off of a little blue plate for wet food. The moment she put it on the floor in the designated corner, he rushed over. Really it was comical how quickly he could appear. She appreciated it then, and sat at a kitchen chair to continue being a statue.
After he ate and she watched the digital clock on the oven strike 9:02, some thirty minutes since she had gotten home, she let out a deep sigh and felt at ease again. The day had been a trying one, and she had needed time to let the stress diffuse. She went and found her fuzzy pink slippers and got our her journal. She got out the colored pens. What Annette ended up doing before bed was listening to a goofy infomercial about a suddenly necessary-to-all closet-organizing system and writing out names of people dear to her in pretty lettering. At some point later on, maybe, she would write a note on the back of the pages and send them out.
She didn't know yet, and didn't care any more, because bed sounded wonderful. Henry was already in his little bed when she got to the room. Annette greeted Gus the goldfish, then buried herself beneath quilt.
She lay there for a moment; then rustled, sitting up. She turned on the small bedside light and bent down to grab the journal and pens. She had brought them to the room with her-- they belonged on the shelf near the closet, but she had dropped them there before attempting to sleep.
Annette doodled to God for a while. She spoke out loud about the day and wrote down key words. She said a prayer about the most challenging parts and apologized for where she had responded poorly to co-workers. She then listened to God for a while.
After the conversation, she felt better about tomorrow. She was reminded of how she could serve God at work-- by keeping God in each moment and conversation. Not that she had to always talk ABOUT God, but she could remember He was with her. He was with everyone for that matter; but she was beginning to think too much now. If she just went through the day with God, it would make a big difference in her interactions with co-workers and, really, with her outlook on the day.....
Finally feeling peace, even though work was still a challenging place and she knew bills were coming up, she fell into a content sleep. God was HER God. She was HIS daughter. That truth overtook any worries that floated around her sleepy brain.
Relief!
Lol. I'm just so pleased with my room that when I walk in to clean it some more, I find myself just staring at it.
It has been a journey for me to have a clean room! It is a long story lol, with chapters about me just being lazy...feeling helpless to change my room... or thinking it didn't matter because we might move in a month anyway. Blah, blah, blah.
But I recently realized the importance of having your own rest spot. And by george.... I made one!
I tore through the house and found things no one was using that I liked. I put them in my room. I organized, dusted, recycled. I did a lot of staring at walls and shelves until the arrangement felt right.
And now I have a room I am proud to call mine. Such a simple thing, but it feels like such an accomplishment.
You can't help but think how people must feel when their whole house gets redone, especially those who really aren't in the situation to be able to do that. It is a beautiful relief to walk into a place you WANT to be that is cleanly and organized.
Can you come alongside anyone who wants a change in their home, but doesn't know where to start? Or can you make a difference in your own life by changing your environment?
"God is a god of order... so clean your room!" You know, I think all the moms who used that line were right.
It has been a journey for me to have a clean room! It is a long story lol, with chapters about me just being lazy...feeling helpless to change my room... or thinking it didn't matter because we might move in a month anyway. Blah, blah, blah.
But I recently realized the importance of having your own rest spot. And by george.... I made one!
I tore through the house and found things no one was using that I liked. I put them in my room. I organized, dusted, recycled. I did a lot of staring at walls and shelves until the arrangement felt right.
And now I have a room I am proud to call mine. Such a simple thing, but it feels like such an accomplishment.
You can't help but think how people must feel when their whole house gets redone, especially those who really aren't in the situation to be able to do that. It is a beautiful relief to walk into a place you WANT to be that is cleanly and organized.
Can you come alongside anyone who wants a change in their home, but doesn't know where to start? Or can you make a difference in your own life by changing your environment?
"God is a god of order... so clean your room!" You know, I think all the moms who used that line were right.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Sweet river of peace
lyrics to a simple song.
Sweet river of peace flows down my soul,
I ain't gonna worry,
Oh no no no.
My God is with me
I am certain,
The devil may try to worry me
But i say, No no no.
I have a peace that is greater than the struggles of life.
My God is ever before and behind me;
Hemmed in behind and before is my soul.
I am ever safe in Mighty arms of love.
Doot, doo doot doo
I am well
It is well in my soul
Good days and bad,
Rich or poor,
In health or weak bodied
I have a God who is for me.
Sweet river of peace flows down my soul.
Sweet river of peace flows down my soul,
I ain't gonna worry,
Oh no no no.
My God is with me
I am certain,
The devil may try to worry me
But i say, No no no.
I have a peace that is greater than the struggles of life.
My God is ever before and behind me;
Hemmed in behind and before is my soul.
I am ever safe in Mighty arms of love.
Doot, doo doot doo
I am well
It is well in my soul
Good days and bad,
Rich or poor,
In health or weak bodied
I have a God who is for me.
Sweet river of peace flows down my soul.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Don't put self in a box
Maybe it is okay to be mysterious to yourself.
What a funny statement, right? I don't mean that you shouldn't know who you are :)
Often as people we want to identify and label ourselves; to define who we are.
This is necessary to development. And morals... principles. How we live out our lives.
But what I'm getting at is that, maybe it is okay to leave room for that you don't know everything about yourself. Only God who made you really knows it all. Maybe you don't know just how good or bad you are at cooking, or how good or bad you are at giving advice. Maybe you haven't practiced these things much so for all you know, you are a gifted prodigy in it but haven't tapped into it yet.... or for all you know, you are absolutely awful and should never ever touch a stove.
You CAN'T know everything about yourself when you look at it in this light. It would take you experiencing ALL of the possible experiences of life for you to realize everything about you. It gets more fun when we consider that we are not flat (the same) but dynamic-- we change as we go through life.
...Why bother with this abstract thought-line.
We must be at peace with simply being- simply living- simply bringing yourself into every moment and not limiting ourselves by putting a box around us. Saying that, "This is the box i fit in" is a rip off because you have no means to really measure your full potential.
So if you are called by God to do something that seems... beyond you... trust His call on what/who you are, not your own.
God even offers us names of who we are in the Bible that forever hold true. Even if you can't quite believe them... accept them.... and trust that these indeed are who you are in Christ and who He has called you to be.
Don't put yourself in a box.
What a funny statement, right? I don't mean that you shouldn't know who you are :)
Often as people we want to identify and label ourselves; to define who we are.
This is necessary to development. And morals... principles. How we live out our lives.
But what I'm getting at is that, maybe it is okay to leave room for that you don't know everything about yourself. Only God who made you really knows it all. Maybe you don't know just how good or bad you are at cooking, or how good or bad you are at giving advice. Maybe you haven't practiced these things much so for all you know, you are a gifted prodigy in it but haven't tapped into it yet.... or for all you know, you are absolutely awful and should never ever touch a stove.
You CAN'T know everything about yourself when you look at it in this light. It would take you experiencing ALL of the possible experiences of life for you to realize everything about you. It gets more fun when we consider that we are not flat (the same) but dynamic-- we change as we go through life.
...Why bother with this abstract thought-line.
We must be at peace with simply being- simply living- simply bringing yourself into every moment and not limiting ourselves by putting a box around us. Saying that, "This is the box i fit in" is a rip off because you have no means to really measure your full potential.
So if you are called by God to do something that seems... beyond you... trust His call on what/who you are, not your own.
God even offers us names of who we are in the Bible that forever hold true. Even if you can't quite believe them... accept them.... and trust that these indeed are who you are in Christ and who He has called you to be.
Don't put yourself in a box.
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