The truth hurts sometimes. I've been interested in this one guy. We are good friends. We both admitted we have feelings.
It has been neat being in a friendship where both of us are careful and talking about what is going on in our friendship. It seems alien but good-- learning how a relationship can work and pointing out red flags to bring them to a halt. We strive to have God with us in our time together, and THAT is just cool.
It's painful, but lately I've had to face a few facts about my perspective of relationships.
I've realized how they can be my "distraction"-- thinking about or analyzing a relationship can be my "getaway" from the stresses of things going on.
Um, I'm gonna go out on a limb here to say that, it is GOOD to be evaluating your relationships and own perspective from time to time. Relationships need care and attention to be healthy!
But when thinking of the relationship becomes.... the reprieve? The refuge?
That is NOT right. Why?
Scripture says God is our refuge. It seems so innocent. But letting any person, relationship, or interest become a refuge instead of God? I don't want to take this to an extreme here--- yes, sleep or go on a walk if that helps you when you are stressed. Is painting an outlet? Go at it! Hobbies? They are grand!
........But to identify something besides God as our refuge... our foundation, our security, what we hinge upon...
That isn't right.
It is not like I've ever decided in my mind that everything would be great if I had a husband. But I have found myself daydreaming about a guy I like, or what my future husband might be like. Maybe I'm analyzing a friendship with a guy and remembering great moments or imaging things that could happen, silly little things. I do this.. a lot.
No.... I got sick to my stomach when I realized the extent of this idol. Dare I call it, relational or emotional lust? [gasp]
I want GOD to REALLY be my number one. I want to delight in Him even if I have to turn down marriage. If I have to look love in the face and, because I know it isn't what God has for me, say "no."
The thought stings. ANd I'm reminded that the character of our God is love, not to tempt or taunt us. No, our God "works things together for our good." and we are told to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make paths straight." I'm not saying He will ask me to turn down love; but if He were to, it would be because He loves me SO MUCH!
My God is a God who cares for me and guides me. He Loves me. He really does want the best life-- whatever He defines that to be-- for me... and that life is one of always walking hand in hand with Him.
Let's decide here on out that GOD is our refuge, not relationships, not a certain hobby, not a goal... By His grace and empowerment, we can fight the urge to find fortress in something else, AND we can simply rest in God's lap of grace, trusting that He intercedes for us and will help us, if we only allow Him, to walk the walk He has called us to.
God, forgive me please for letting relationships be above you at times. I want You to be my all in all. I submit my relationships to You. God, I'm gonna need Your help. God, You know the desires of my heart.... I submit me, all of me, to You. If I get married, may it glorify the Lord. If I am single, may it glorify the Lord. Please be glorified in all my relationships... friends, family, strangers, or a love interest. God, I want You to work through these relationships as You will. Use me how You want. As the Psalmist prayed, 'Please purify my heart and cleanse me from sin. Fill me with love for you.'
You are the best, LORD! In Jesus' name. Amen.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:2
***side note********
Coping with stress: it is SO GOOD to relax in a hobby or to give yourself to a building project. But for this hobby or project to consume your life-- to be what you live for by deed or thought? That would not be right. Hobbies are good. They are even means of avoiding temptation. Like, in avoiding lustful thoughts, it is GOOD to distract yourself with cleaning, or with hard work outside, or with a puzzle you've been working on--- etc. Hobbies, projects, etc are good in their place, just like relationships are!
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