When you are given
authority or trusted with people
Are you a confidante, a pastor, a counselor, a coach, a friend, a
parent? Maybe this will be of use.
I’m not going to write an essay by any means, I will simply
state a few short and significant matters to consider since you have been
trusted with people and their problems.
Why would I bother writing about this?
1) I’m still learning 2) Maybe
you have more to share 3) I have small experience as a Residence Hall Chaplain
and as a living breathing human with relationships in which I ask advice and
give advice, listen and am listened to, and 4) , I am always trying to learn
from people, from books, and other sources about this topic of doing life with
people.
1: Know ‘The Why’
Why is it
that you are listening to people, their emotions, their problems?
Specifically, ask yourself if YOU are trying to save or fix
them, or if your goal is to point them to the God who IS A REDEEMER AND HEALER.
2: Know ‘The How’
This has
multiple parts, but basically I’m asking HOW
you point people to God and TRUST those people into God’s hands instead
of all in your hands. Suggestions.
A)
Prayer.
Praying for these people and their problems is a means for you, the
confidante, to take the problem out of YOUR hands and to put them into GOD’s
hands. It is an invitation for God to be
God in the person’s situation. It is
inviting God to be the Redeemer that He is, whether the problem gets cleaned up
all nicely or it is a messy matter. IN
both ends, nothing is wasted and God is love, is just, is merciful, is
redeeming. Sometimes a person grows more
when things aren’t well than when a problem gets taken care of as easily as
wiping up spilt milk. Prayer builds
trust in God and is choosing to trust God (over yourself).
B)
How You Speak.
Are you trying to solve the questions, or are you trying to help the
person you are talking to to solve it?
When you try to fix everything yourself, you are building potential for
the individual to feel dependent on others or even specifically on you. God did not make people that way. Yes we need relationships but we are to be
dependent on God alone. Otherwise it is
an idol and short-selling what God created in every individual- a mind and will
that is equipped to overcome with Christ.
Don’t create people dependent on people, develop people confident in God
and thereby confident in themselves.
(recommended read: Care of Souls)
C)
Be a Resourcer.
God is the God of all wisdom. HE
knows everything about…. EVERTYHING! One
person can’t know all that God does, but people can specialize in certain areas
of knowledge. Point people to books, to
Scripture, to organizations that deal specifically with a problem (and at that,
Biblically so. Don’t send someone
anywhere where the root isn’t addressed eventually. Dealing with symptoms is not enough in the
long run) . Again, in this way, they
aren’t depending on you (and you aren’t qualified enough in many areas
anyway!).
D)
Praise God throughout the process. Thank God and help the other person to do the
same, or if they can’t, model it. Thank
God for the organization that deals SPECIFICALLY with their problem that has
been helpful. Praise God for His
character and that He knows all about this person’s life, now and their
past. Praise God for being the One
Healer and One true God, that this God wants to do life with us.
E)
Don’t merely look at their main problem. Look at the health of their soul and whole
being. Disciple them. Point them to
the LORD and equip them to walk with the LORD.
(Learn about discipleship so you can do this!)
F)
Have a healthy, vibrant, ALIVE relationship with
God yourself. Talk to a trusted Pastor
if you aren’t sure what that looks like, or how you can have a better
relationship with Christ. Life is about
living with God now, not “someday” though I’m certainly looking forward to Heaven
too. You’ll never have this perfect
because we won’t see God face to face until we step into eternity with
Him. But we always can be growing!
That’s exciting!!!
Thy
Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
3: Know WHAT to do to
take care of yourself
I broke the
cool subtitle pattern! Oh no!
But that is okay, the information is still here, just less
cleverly. If you want to be investing in
others, you MUST invest in yourself.
Rest, eating right, exercise, time with God, quiet time,
social time, growth, venting, thinking---
do these things!
And teach the people you do life with how to take care of themselves too if
they are lacking in any area. Every bit
helps when it comes to being well.
Remember to praise God too! He designed
the body and even had OT laws to protect the body (like HE said ‘no’ to eating
pork and crustaceans—smart because those two animals soak up toxins and crap…
who wants to put toxins and crap into their body? Our God is a smart and
sovereign God!)
Hope this is helpful to you, and I’d love to hear what other
advice you have about how to be healthy as a confidante to other people. Let’s point others to the LORD who
reigns!
Live well in Him!
Ginny Herron
